Princesses don't give blow jobs
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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