have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i've created a new STD.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
