ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
