i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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