I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
