I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
