thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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