im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
