Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
