Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
