If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
