pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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