You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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