he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
