I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
