The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
