The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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