How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you had me at cake vodka
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
