you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
