in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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