They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
