she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize