Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Randomize
