The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Come share oat with me in your robe
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
