My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
