i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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