Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
