I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
