Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
a search helicopter?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
