Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
