You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
