Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
