I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
