whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
