I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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