Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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