I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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