Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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