I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
