He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
