Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
