i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
