one might say we're banned from that church
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
