I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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