i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
