you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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