I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
