i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
