I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
