I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
