do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
