not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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