ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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