What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
