She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i came on her dog
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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