Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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