bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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