I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
