I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
