So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
