Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
