Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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