he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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