Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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