my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
