Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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