you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
whose parrot is this?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
