I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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