I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
