he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
