My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
