I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
