I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
