They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
